Whether you are in an intimate relationship already and you want to rekindle your sex life, or you want to take the step to be physically intimate with your partner for the first time, this can be daunting to both of you. Consider these steps in communicating your wishes to your partner.
EditSteps
1. Relax. Don’t let all your thoughts and actions be controlled by your wish for physical intimacy. Building a foundation for physical love takes time.
2 Work on your relationship as a whole. Physical intimacy is not possible if you are not emotionally close to each other already.
If you have been intimate before, but your partner seems no longer interested, think about problems you might be having on a non-physical basis. Do you fight a lot? Do you spend enough time together? Does your partner feel loved in everyday interaction? If any of these things might be lacking, work on them before trying to persuade your partner to have sex with you.
If you have not yet had sex with your partner, make sure they feel comfortable around you and trust you. Be considerate of their needs in a non-sexual way, i.e. make sure that they are enjoying the activities you choose for dates, be interested in their daily life. Celebrate their successes and support them when they are having trouble with school, work, family issues, health problems, or just a bad day.
3 Talk to your partner. Nothing is more important in a relationship than communication. Let them know that you appreciate them for who they are. Many people shy away from physical intimacy because they have issues with their body image. They might be embarrassed because of their weight, fitness level, or other things they perceive as flaws, and don’t want you to reject them.
4 Ask your partner if there anything wrong if they feel tense. They might have a physical problem they are ashamed of, like an STD. Be open, kind, and caring to encourage your partner to share their feelings with you. Often you can help them by simply having a supportive attitude.
5 Ask your partner if they want to have sex. Choose a time when both of you are relaxed and in a calm environment to ask this question. Perhaps explain why you want to have sex with them. If you feel like you have lost part of your emotional connection to them because your sex life has vanished and you want to reestablish that connection, tell your partner! If you feel rejected because of their lack of interest, let them know. Don’t be accusing in your tone. Use nonviolent communication to explain what you feel. Don’t make your partner feel pressured.
If they do, take it slow. Be as considerate and loving with their body as you are to their heart and soul. Don’t let the huge amount of adult material on the internet fool you into believing that sex “belongs that way”. It is fiction, and trying to reenact it in real life can seriously hurt your partner physically and emotionally. You will easily lose all their trust if you don’t understand the difference between porn and reality.
If they don’t, don’t be disappointed. You have done nothing wrong, but every person is different. Engaging in physical intimacy requires trust in one’s partner, but also a lot of self-confidence. They might not be confident enough to be so vulnerable around someone else, or they just want to take it slow. Consider that they might have had bad experiences in the past with partners who were not as considerate or understanding. Stay in an open dialogue.
Edited by Candy834, Sarah Eliza, Carolyn Barratt, Teresa and 18 others
