I know that some of you, especially those feeding from the crumbs of Senator Abdulfatai Buhari—the one representing Oyo North in the Senate—will be angry that I have dragged this shameless Senator to court and am demanding ₦1 billion from him.
I can already hear your wailing, your wriggling, your ranting. But let me remind you: whoever Jegede feeds is the one to worship him. He is not feeding me, and I must claim my entitlement from him.
But wait—you! Where were you when I stood by this same Buhari like an albatross on his neck? Where were you when he was just a mere member of the Federal House of Representatives and I, Barrister Wale Ojo-Lanre, staked my neck to back him for Senate?
Where were you when I mobilized over four million people from Ekiti and Osun to vote for him in Oyo North? Did you think I gathered that multitude for nothing? No! I did it so that when he rose to greatness, he would concentrate his attention on me. Yes—on me!
But alas, what has he done? He has chosen to waste millions of naira on hopeless people. Acquiring wheelchairs! Stipends! Empowerment for the disabled! People crawling on dust, people with no legs to run errands for him, no arms to clap for him, no strength to spray him at parties.
Instead of sponsoring the wedding of my fourth wife, he wasted resources on wheelchairs. Instead of maintaining my concubine, he paid scholarships for students. Instead of financing my spraying at owambe, he distributed motorcycles, sewing machines, grinding machines, cars, buses, and cash gifts. Instead of joining me in drinking sprees, he sat with widows and gave them succour. Instead of pleasing the big men, he chose to empower alabarapa crawling in shame.
So yes, I am suing him! And your insults cannot stop the court proceedings this morning. If you truly love this Buhari, then come inside the court and watch how the Judge will punish this ingrate monster called Senator Abdulfatai Buhari.
As you can see, the Court of Nigerian Mediocrity, Oyo Division, is sitting. Don’t make noise…
The gallery is full—sycophants in agbada, angry big men frowning, praise-singers with drums, widows with children, and idle politicians licking kola nuts. The Court Clerk reads aloud:
“This Honourable Court is now in session. The People versus Senator Abdulfatai Buhari. The accused stands charged with reckless generosity, extravagant compassion, and unforgivable waste of millions on hopeless people.”
I, Barrister Wale Ojo-Lanre, present my charges:
That he refused to fund the wedding of my fourth wife, even after giving scholarships with heavy stipends to three of my children.
That he has refused to bankroll my social idiosyncrasies—maintenance fees for my concubine, spraying money at parties, and drinking sprees.
That he has neglected the haves, the elites, the great men of Oyo, and instead lavished his wealth on the disabled—the lame, the blind, the voiceless.
Judge (interrupting):
“But is this not righteousness? Does not the Qur’an say: ‘Righteousness is… giving wealth, in spite of love for it, to the needy…’ (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:177)? And did not the Prophet (peace be upon him) declare: ‘The most beloved of people to Allah are those who are most beneficial to others’?”
(The gallery erupts.)
Praise-singers beat drums: “Buhari ti se ooo! The Senator of the poor!”
Big men hiss: “He should be sharing contracts, not wheelchairs!”
A sycophant shouts: “He refused to sponsor my Dubai trip!”
Widows cry: “But he gave our children scholarships!”
Town crier outside rings bell: “Waste! Waste! Buhari is wasting on the hopeless!”
Judge (thundering, gavel pounding):
“Silence! This court has heard enough. Senator Abdulfatai Buhari is guilty—guilty of compassion, guilty of empowering the hopeless, guilty of remembering the forgotten.
“As punishment, this court hereby sentences him to buy another 500 wheelchairs immediately and distribute them across Oyo State. He must also provide monthly stipends for widows, scholarships for orphans, and empower more ‘hopeless’ people until every forgotten soul in his district is remembered.”
(The gallery explodes.)
Praise-singers drum louder: “Senator Buhari! Omo Alubarika!”
Big men slump in their seats, muttering.
Women ululate, children clap.
The town crier shouts with glee: “Let every Senator in Nigeria waste like Buhari!”
And so ends the trial. If caring for the disabled is a crime, then let Senator Buhari remain guilty forever. If this is waste, then may Nigeria be filled with wasters like Senator Abdulfatai Buhari.
May the Almighty Allah, the most beneficent and merciful, grant Senator Fatai Buhari his most heartfelt desire. Amin, Yarabi!
And let the world remember: “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Mahatma Gandhi
And this ,Senator Abdulfatai Buhari has been doing
May Allah bless his ways
